


Lost Without You, Half Dead

by GrayJedi11



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Angst, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Swears, Deceit | Janus Sanders is a Sweetheart, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Idk how to end fics, Kissing, M/M, SO, Suicide Attempt, Swearing, Vomiting, i dont even know theyre kinda justlike, i really just choose a ship and go between who gets angst and fics kinda just come, much - Freeform, sorta - Freeform, yelly gays idk if that counts as comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:15:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24839779
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrayJedi11/pseuds/GrayJedi11
Summary: janus keeps virgil alive.
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders
Comments: 2
Kudos: 110





	Lost Without You, Half Dead

**Author's Note:**

> title from the song "half dead" by the mountain goats. it was the first thing i thought of and it mostly fits ok

Virgil hovered his finger over the call button.

On one hand, he didn’t want to die without a note. On the other, Janus despised him.

Their friendship had ended… badly. Both of them had said things they regretted, things got a little personal and… it ended there.

Right when Virgil hoped it could’ve been something more.

He supposed that was partially the reason he’d dumped out a container of painkillers in his hand. That and the fact that he was nearly failing college, hadn’t had a real friend besides Janus since sixth grade, struggled to pay rent each month, and he’d been looking lovingly at bottles of bleach ever since he learned they could kill him.

Should he tell Janus what he was going to do?

The phone buzzed, his… friend picking up quickly as usual, despite his anger with him.

“What do you want, Virgil?”

“Mostly, to apologize. I’ve been shitty and said shitty things and you didn’t deserve that. I don’t know why I called you, it’s not like you care, I just needed to- needed to tell someone that I’m gonna be gone.”

“Gone where?”

Virgil’s mouth faltered, a lump forming in his throat.

“Gone _where_ , Virgil?”

“Gone- gone forever.”

“If you don’t fucking wait for me to get to your apartment, I actually won’t forgive you. Don’t fucking try anything. You got that? You wait for me to get there or I’ll tell _everyone_ what you tried to do, because you’re not gonna fucking die, and I’ll stop whatever you try to do, because I know you don’t have anything that can kill you that quickly, so you’ll be alive and left with whatever residue from your method, so you’re gonna fucking wait, okay?”

“Why do you _care_?”

“I’m the closest thing to a friend you’ve got.”

Janus wasn’t far. His own apartment was only a few blocks from Virgil’s, and he was a _fast_ runner. It didn’t matter how many people he weirded out, he wasn’t letting Virgil do _anything_.

“What do you have?”

“Painkillers. Maybe if I take them now, I’ll have a chance.”

“I’ll have to make you vomit.”

“I don’t _care_ about the goddamn discomfort, bitch. I’m willing to risk a little vomit if it means I get out of this place.”

He wasn’t sure where Janus was, which worked in his friend’s favor. By the time he heard the faint clicking of pills and Virgil’s “goodbye,” he was already dashing up the stairs.

“Get out, Jan. You don’t really care.”

“Up Virgil. Over to the toilet.”

He pulled him from his position on the floor, dragging him in front of the toilet. He made him vomit himself, pressing his finger to the back of Virgil’s tongue as he resisted. He squirmed, trying to get free, but Janus held tight.

“God, why didn’t you let me fucking _die_? It’s not like you _care_ , like you _ever_ cared. At least let this fucking stop, let me die and have no friends if you never liked me.”

“I am never going to let you die. I don’t care how miserable you are now, I’ve seen you happy and we both know it can happen again. Don’t give me any of the bullshit about ‘no one loves me’ because I know someone who does and it’s _me_ , the person you brought here, so I think maybe that’s who you'd appreciate it from.”

“You were all I had! You were all I had and you left, I left, I lost that person who maybe fucking loved me because I’m a fucking piece of shit.”

“I’m _here_. What you have now is someone who loves you as much as a hundred people could. I haven’t told you, haven’t shown you enough of that, maybe you wouldn’t have felt so awful, so alone. I can’t help caring for you, even when I should _hate_ you, when I should feel _hurt_. It’s _disgusting_ how much I love you, it’s gross how I- how I want-”

Virgil’s lips collided with Janus’s, tears streaming down his face, his hands grasping his neck. They both stumbled towards the wall, Janus’s back pressed up against it. He wrapped his arms around Virgil’s waist, pulling him close. The stayed there for what felt like forever before Virgil broke it, letting his hands slip down to rest on Janus’s waist.

“You taste like vomit.”

“Fuck you.”

“Seriously, though, your first instinct after we break up as friends, I come to your house and save you from killing yourself is to kiss me?”

“To be fair, you were really fucking hot and saying gross romantic shit.”

“God, this is so much like us, isn’t it?”

“Now if you’ll excuse me while I wash the taste of vomit out of my mouth,” he said, pushing Virgil away.

“Oh, aren’t you going to hug and comfort me now? And _I’m_ the one who vomited.”

“Yeah, but _you_ kissed _me_. I didn’t have a choice.”

“...You literally made me vomit.”

“I didn’t have a choice, you’d just fucking _swallowed twenty Aspirins_.”

“...Well, while I wait for you, I’m gonna bury myself under the covers and cry some more.”

“At least rinse out your damn mouth.”

“God, fine.”

Janus joined him on the couch, limbs intertwining underneath a mountain of blankets. Virgil talked and talked about everything that had happened, and all Janus did was listen.


End file.
